Micorbiomic Baptism (C) Mathias Vef/Schwarzrosagold


Research found Microbacteria does influence the way we develop, our persoanlity, the way we act and look. So we were excited about the idea, what that would acutally would feel like in the future. Wouldn’t parents and family try to take the very first chance to make us the way the think it’s best, the way they want? A baptism would become more than good wishes. It would become a well-meant ceremony to change our personality. Just: if we all had developed like our parents think is best, the world would be a boring and pretty onedimensional place.

We took the little trip to the future and witnesses one of the first Microbiomic Baptisms.

“This Baptism stresses me.
The C-section is scheduled in two hours
and Wanda is still arguing about the stupid decorations and the cakes.
I wish Elena hadn’t had picked her to be Godmother.
I love my wife, but I have this aversion against my wife’s twin sister.
She takes that whole microbiomic thing so seriously.
She goes to her Laboratory advisor every Sunday.
She even told us to stop drinking orange juice, because it comes from Spain and the Bacteria in it puts us in an “unhealthy desperate stage”…
I drank so much OJ, but unfortunately it didn’t change any stages…

Well, my friend Vlad is the perfect counterpart as Godfather for her.
He does’t care that much about these things.
He told her that story when he put biomic shampoo for girls in mine
and then he was waiting that all the guys would go mad for me.

Wanda is arguing about uncle Arkady’s Intestinal-Cake.
It has the wrong sugar, the wrong bacteria Lactobacyllus rhamnosifi whatever-lus.
She says our boy will be too easy-going, too extravagant,
she even said he could be a poof!
Uncle Arkady gets angry and his new blond wife too.
He told Wanda that her self made sweat flowers are neutralizing
her own Mom’s Vaginal Necklace.
Wanda gets pale white.
If she doesn’t get her dead mother’s stuff on him, she will freak out.
I can already hear her saying:
“he’s not our skin, not our gut, just our blood!”

Seeing Wanda and Uncle Arkady I think I would be happy if that both their shitty microbioms gets neutralized and our baby will get around them.

Wanda is yelling now that she will re-collect her sweat
and re-check the biom and re-infect the flowers.
she runs out of the room to get the new sterile flowers.
Arkady is laughing with his wife.
I still think there is something fishy with their marriage.
They got their engagement checked in back in Russia
proofed from some luminary microbiomic professor,
but Arkady gained 20 pounds since they are together
and I’m sure that this things he had in his face
when I saw him last time were love-zits scars.
This blond girl did not only twist his mind but also his bacteria.

He puts his cake next to the necklace and leaves with his wife and a bottle of champagne.
No one’s here with me in the room.
I don’t think twice and run to the disinfection -spray
and lift it onto this stupid cake and necklace.
Five seconds should be enough to get rid of both
Arkady’s and the Grandmother’s microbioms!
Well, I pray that Gabriel will benefit from what I just did.”